Worst Songs to Sing Karaoke

So the other day I come home and my father had gotten me a karaoke machine. It was the randomest, most amazing thing ever. Plus the karaoke machine looks like a cyborg from a 1950's science fiction movie.



so that got me thinking? what song do I always sing karaoke.... santeria by sublime.



what are the shittiest songs to sing karaoke?

let's take a gander at tam's Itunes...



schism - tool ... though my friend jalene did it once and it was awesome when she did it.

anything agnostic front ... how do you get that screaming down pat?

ares - bloc party ... if you try to groove with this song while doing karaoke, you'll end looking like you're on ecstasy...plus no one really has this accent.

lover's spit - broken social scene ... too long

forsaken - dream theater .... BECAUSE IT'S DREAM THEATER

colt 45 - afroman ... if you have enough cred, you can pull this off, but if not, don't try (if you want a free street cred assessment you can send me a headshot and a cover letter with a resume full of things you've done that you'd prefer to forget)

goodbye, my lover - james blunt ... karaoke is about terrible pitch and this is not one of those "every one knows this one, you guys can help me out!" kind of songs, so you wont get assistance.

Solid as a rock - sizzla ....AGAIN : unless you have the cred...


so you might say, well tam WHAT CAN I SING KARAOKE THEN !?

you're welcome to try any one of those 'go get 'em, girl!' anthems ... like "man, i feel like a woman".

OR ... how about great 90's tunes ... they were simple and easy...
like...

drinkin' in LA - bran van 3000

the way - fastball

are you jimmy ray? - jimmy ray . (REDUNDANT) ps. i think that at one point, he asks 'are you sting ray?' .... ridiculous

case of the ex - mya

honey - mariah carey


we always look back on the decade of music with nostalgia but many never appreciate it in the epic sense when we are in it. do you think you'll look back on 'umbrella' with nostalgia?


ps. what's the proper way to spit out gum? If you spit it out it's rude, but if you put it on your fingers and then put it in the garbage, it's disgusting.

Worst Categories for Playing Hangman

Okay so Rob and I were talking at work and we came up with these:



Excretions

Deceased relatives

Moral incongruities

Different names for genitals

Things one can find in a refridgerator

Famous bastard children

Conditions

Pregnancy problems





Sufficiently awkward.

I just became the first (and only) follower of my own blog... FML...

Things I Need To Do In Order To Make It As A Magician

1). purchase a dove or an albino pigeon

2). develop a taste for thoughtful costuming

3). A THEME SONG. possibilities for a theme song...


"she's flashy ! unpredictable! the sinner and the saint, she's TAM!" But that has little to nothing to do with magic...

"a bird?! a plane?! TAM!" ...but that's been done...

I could take that song from the police - everything little she does is magic. Or ... "love and sex and magic" with J Tim and Ciara... But maybe that won't appeal to the minors (and let's face it, I need to be kid friendly)

4). I think I need some sort of wizarding hat that vaguely resembles MERLIN the magical wizard from Sword in the Stone. Or a sorting hat like in Harry Potter, but it'll sort the audience and pick out the ones least likely to pelt me with tomatoes towards the end of the show.

5). A Victorian vocabulary, to make me fit the part. It's a known fact of fantastical literature, remove it from present time and space and people are more likely to believe it. "Oh zounds! I do believe my powers have swindled me once again! I would therefore implore you to come for tea on the veranda tonight - how I long to hear the rattan creak and cry under your mass." Note to self: this is believable, do more of this.

6). AN ASSISTANT. list of possible assistants:

devon soltendieck from muchmusic.
gerard butler.....he would be a mega assistant .... he can be nicknamed el Grande
REMY SHAND . he takes a message from your love and relays it to the magician (me) ... he can be my PR specialist.
my cat

7). A catchphrase ... this partly corresponds with a theme song... it could be me and my cat and we could be TAM TAM TAM CAT. and it could be simple like that, cause the masses like a common denominator (sp?). Tam's Travelling Jam and her sidekick Chairman Meow! And chairman can be dressed as an American patriot (stars and stripes hat et al.), even though the chances of us touring the US are slim to none. In fact, I'm pretty sure our first stop will be something like Elmira or Kincardine. We'll rely on Chairman's cuteness to pull us out of that one.

TAM IN TORONTO

On this date, one year ago I was probably going to Circa. That's a random snippet I just had.

That crazy guy who dances with garbage on John St was outside work again today. LJaey called me to tell me. We chortled.

So I'm new to this whole blogging thing as you can probably tell. But I'd like to start by just naming a few of the things around Toronto that I have recently grown attached to.

1). The TTC. It's a love/hate relationship really. But the TTC (through its faults and stained seats) perseveres as an excellent method of transportation. Plus, finding a happy cheerful TTC driver is like finding a needle in a haystack. And when it happens, it's like finding a golden ticket. Just makes my effing day. And you know, I don't blame the unhappy ones. Can we discuss passengers for a second? The recession becomes evident when I realise that the 116 has become crowded at all times throughout the day, including 11am on a Tuesday morning. Apparently nobody works 9-5s anymore. Or those that do, just don't take the bus. It also becomes STARKLY evident that those who do take the bus have no sense of personal space (and some, for that matter, hygiene.) It's no wonder that our streets are so overcrowded with cars when you consider that, on the morning commute, you're probably an inch away from Joe Blow who may or may not have eaten raw onion soup for breakfast. Let's be fair - this is not every passenger... it's just when you happen to get lucky. AND WHEN YOU DO GET LUCKY, the aroma lingers in the atmosphere and finds its humble abode in your nostrils until the smell of lunch overrides it. It's almost comforting, in a way.

2). Courage, My Love. In Kensington Market. Have you been? Check it out? Best celluloid rings ever.

3). I totally can't wait for October in the way of concerts. Vampire Weekend on oct 8th and mariana's trench on oct 10th. I can't wait to spend thanksgiving giving thanks to a bucket of chicken while waiting in line to get into the sound academy.

4). I heard a dashing joke the other day ..
how many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
none...feminists can't change anything
so it's sexist but its still charming

I actually sent this to professor Syme

dearest darlingest professing professor Syme!

I am already nostalgic for the long lost days of Aunt Sally and 10 pound ramifications if you walk on the wrong grass. my parents, however, are slowly disenchanting me back into reality and therefore keep pestering me about my grade. it starts in a slow Eastern European drawl and escalates into a Stalin - esque demand consisting of "ARE YOU ON THE DEAN LIST TAMARA !? TAMARA>!!! DO YOU AHVE THE DEAN LEEST!" - this is an accurate portrayal, spelling/grammatical mistakes and all. I was therefore wondering if there is any way I could find out my essay grade from you, since they don't understand the concept of 'it'll appear on ROSI in about a week'. If not, that is completely fine, they will just have to deal. Thanks for your time!

with the remnants of a bygone era,
tamara

Intro (Prelude)

In the same way that I certainly did not want to admit that I have been listening to Keri Hilson's Knock You Down on repeat for the past, what, two months, I equally refuse to give myself the permission to admit that yes, this blog was mostly started for the purposes of Muchmusic. However just typing the first few sentences is very refreshing, oh my, it is. Like I have an authority that I otherwise would not, like these words are dictated by me and only me. Does this mean I'm totalitarian in my thinking? I enjoy dictating these words. They are like fuels but most unlike fuels as well. I definitely hope I don't get self righteous and become defensive of this blog because it is 'one of the only things in life that I actually have control over'. Many people feel this way over their working positions, cats, cars, etc. I hate the thought of reaching such levels of douchebaggery.

Anyway, let us start by posting some of my previous works that I have published only on facebook. Just as a tribute to my past and its sarcastic principles.